Stressville

So I had my third stress out yesterday of this wedding planning experience. I was crying and probably really freaking Brad out. I am really starting to stress out. There is so much to do and there is only a month left to do it. I am sad because I am not doing a lot of the stuff I had always envisioned but it is because I am lazy and don't want to have to figure it out, set it up, or even delegate it. I always wanted a wedding that was very different than the norm, but I'm finding that it is really hard to go against the grain when it comes to wedding shit. My mom is even against some of the stuff I wanted. At least I have complete control over the music. I just had to cut down the 13 hours of music I had picked to only about 6 hours. It was hard. And I still need to add some Michael Jackson songs (Christy I need these songs from you!)

I just feel lost in this wedding world. I feel like everyone assumes I know what to do, but I don't. I have only gone to three weddings as an adult and two of them were at the same house and none of them were of really close friends. So I have never been involved in wedding planning before, I have never been a bridesmaid, I have no idea what I am doing or what people expect at a wedding. People keep telling me, "oh, you have to have this or that, people expect it!" That pisses me off. I don't care what people expect, the only thing they should be there for is to see me get married, anything else is extra. I am not having two meat choices, I am not having a garter (creepy), I will not play cliched wedding songs (fuck "we are family"), I will not have a ceremony that brings up God at all (much to the chagrin of my father), I am not having cake, I am having alcohol (much to the chagrin of my father), my Mother is walking me down the aisle, my Father is the officiant (he is a minister). Things I wanted to do differently but am not: I wanted pie, I wanted a photo booth, I wanted a candy bar, I wanted a lego cake topper, I wanted a vintage non-white retro party dress...

Things I need to do:
* buy hosiery (spanx?)
* find a cake topper
* make play list for CD favor, make over 100 of this CD, find way to package CDs
* find wedding mad libs for favors
* buy sharpies and paper for guest book pages
* find/buy shoes with one inch heels
* go to the party rental place to look at linens and reserve linens, tables, chairs, and perhaps lighting
* call and reserve a margarita machine
* figure out what to do about makeup and hair (do it myself or find someone to help me)
* go to target and buy strings of garden lights that are hopefully on sale.
* think about what to buy my bridesmaids as gifts
* buy the rings
* think about what ceremony/vows we want to use
* go to a feed store to look at/buy tubs for drinks
* pressure groomsmen to go and get fitted for their tuxes and get their shoe sizes in order to buy them Chuck Taylors for the wedding
* cry because we are not going to have pie like we envisioned, and probably not coffee either.
* buy teeth whitening kits for Brad and I
* exercise every other day or so. Look into Brad joining my gym (yay exercise buddy!). Plan to continue doing this after the wedding as well.
* freak out about my horrible skin. stop picking at face (which goes against what I've always done), wash face every day.
* get the marriage license
* get my hair cut and colored
* convince wedding parties to dance a certain first dance with Brad and I (Amber had a great idea and I don't want to spoil the surprise)
* stress about the rehearsal because it is not going to be at the actual wedding site, so I guess it will be a pseudo rehearsal.
* figure out who will give speeches and let them know.